Fragile state-of-mind

Today I find myself in a fragile state-of-mind:  fluctuating between worry and anxiety one moment, and an awareness of God’s peace and presence the next.  The realities of moving and the many details along with selling our home have hit me full force.    In many respects, I feel like I have been transported back in time seven and a half years ago when we were trying to sell our home in Elgin, Illinois.  It took eight months for our house to sell that time. We were paying a mortgage and a Vancouver rent for five of those months, and there were many moments I thought I would lose my mind as I worried and fretted about our financial situation.  When our house finally did sell, I walked away from that experience shaken, and certainly gun-shy about selling a home anytime soon.  I guess it is a good thing that so many years have passed. 

Yet today as I sat down with a realtor to discuss listing our home, I had moments of deja vu as  worried thoughts filled my mind, and I felt the all-too-familiar feel  of a pit growing in my stomach  as I saw the average amount of days it takes to sell a home in this area.  I don’t want to wait 50+ days for this to happen!  I know I can quickly get ahead of myself and worry about the “what-ifs.”   I can easily become discouraged and fearful by the unknowns and uncertainties of moving across the country, and selling a house along with moving into a new house (one that I will move into sight unseen, mind you!).   Even though I know that God has led us to this move and this job for Brad, and even though I have a pretty long track record of God’s faithful hand in my life and my family’s life, I can still allow the worry and anxiety to sidetrack all reminders of God’s faithfulness in my life. 

A couple of months ago I downloaded a message by Bruce Hindsmarsh, a professor at Regent College, which he gave at a Regent chapel service at some point in the past year.  His message was on Psalm 121.  The thrust of his message was that each of us is a pilgrim on a journey, and God is our pilgrim keeper.   Because this is a shorter Psalm and such a good one, I decided to include it in this post.

Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;

From where shall my help come?

My help comes from the LORD,

Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to slip;

He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel

Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;

The LORD is your shade on your right hand.

The sun will not smite you by day,

Nor the moon by night.

The LORD will protect you from all evil;

He will keep your soul.

The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in

From this time forth and forever.

In my moments of worry today, I tried to recall these words from the Psalmist.  The Lord is my keeper.  He knows the journey I am on, and he does not grow weary.  He is, after all, the God who made the heavens and the earth.