Cord Cutting

Dear Reader:  I know. It’s been awhile since I posted to Always Orange. It would make me feel better if I explained why. For starters, the beginning of a new school year is always a busy time. From faculty meetings to classroom setup to lesson planning, the remaining days of summer vanish in a flurry of activity. In addition, August 20, found Brad, Jake, and me in our car headed for Georgia and the start of new adventure for Jake—college. So this post is dedicated to him and this new chapter in his life.

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I can still recall the doctor asking Brad if he wanted to snip the umbilical cord. With one cut, the vital link that kept Jacob alive for nine months in utero, ended. That moment marked a first step towards independence. He no longer needed me to breathe. Yes, he would still receive nourishment from me, but not through the life-giving cord that attached the two of us for the better part of a year.

Another “cut” occurred last weekend. Perhaps the biggest one since that initial sever—dropping Jake off at college. For so many years, it seemed like such a long way off. But somehow the last four years of high school brought the distant future closer with each passing year.

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It’s difficult to find a new word to express the thoughts and feelings which have swirled in my heart and mind this past week. Bittersweet seems to be the best one. It encapsulates most accurately this new transition. Wise friends who have walked this road ahead of me told me this would be the case. They shared their own stories of dropping off a child at college, and relayed the grief and sadness they felt while simultaneously feeling proud and excited.

By nature, Jake is a fairly quiet car traveler. He’s been this way since he was toddler. Unlike his sister who chatted continuously, Jake was content to sit quietly, looking out the window, deep in thought. When he was really little, we might hear snippets of a story as it formed in his head. As much as I wanted to talk and fill every passing hour with meaningful conversation, I knew that Jake needed some quiet to think and process all the changes that would transpire in his life. I also fought the urge to share every last pearl of wisdom that I might have missed over the last nineteen years and so disturb his reverie.

Throughout the orientation activities, the gentle reminders from Brad that all would be well and he would figure things out, forced me to accept the nature of our new roles. Jake doesn’t need me (or want me) to figure out every last detail for him. What he needs is a supportive mom, who listens well and offers advice when asked, as he navigates his new- found independence.

This past Wednesday he called. To be honest, I felt giddy with excitement. Wednesday was his first day of classes so both Brad and I were eager to hear how they went. After we had talked for a bit, I asked him if he needed to get going. He replied, “I can talk some more.” Music to my ears! We chatted a bit longer and then said our goodbyes.

It’s going to take a while to adjust to this new season. On the one hand, I know deep within me that Jake is ready to “fly the coop.” This is what the last nineteen years have been about—preparing him for this moment. Yet, the other hand wants to hold on tight and say, “just a little more time.” As parents, I don’t know if we are ever completely ready for our children to leave home. After all, being a parent is a huge part of our identity. I will always be a mom. But the nature of my role as mom shifted in a new direction this past week.

Earlier this summer I read again the comforting words from Psalm 139: 9-10—appropriate words to close this post. They also serve as a reminder that while our children may leave our presence, they never leave God’s.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

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About alwaysorange

Writer, teacher, wife and mother. Lover of the good, the true, and the beautiful. Also, dark roast coffee, home-cooked meals, good books, spending time with my family, and planning for vacations.
This entry was posted in College Living, Parenting, Transitions and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Cord Cutting

  1. Linda Forbes says:

    Beautifully written; it brought tears of joy and sadness recalling my own memories of “cutting the cord”.
    Love, Aunt Linda

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  2. Dar says:

    You have nurtured him well, he is a fine young man and he’ll figure it out when he has a challenge. Way to go Alicia & Brad! Big hug & thanks for sharing your story!

    Like

  3. Jacquelyn Wilson Grattan says:

    This made me WEEP, Alicia. This summer, when Tierney was away at camp, for the very first time it struck me that one day (in 4 or 5 years?), she will leave the house for somewhere else and it will be a permanent move out away from home! Eek! The days are long but the years are short. Who said that?! Just look at your young man! Why, I remember the day we met him for the very first time!

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    • alwaysorange says:

      Thanks, Jacquelyn. As I look back, it seems that junior high marked the period when time seemed to move faster. Perhaps because our children became more involved in activities and spent more time away from home. When they were little, the days were indeed long!

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